Growing up

Who says you have to be miserable when you grow up?  Well I was talking to the wonderful Ms. Devin today complaining about how I was sleep deprived, hungry, lost, lonely and a whole bunch of other things.  And she said that was part of growing up.  But why I ask!  Why do I have to be miserable to grow up?  I don't think I should at all.  I know life has more to hold than being miserable in my pursuit of growing up.  Life should be fun, full of adventures, but most of all NOT MISERABLE!

If your life isn't what you want it to be find some motivation and change it.  The only thing stopping you from living a life you absolutely love, is you.  Your lack of drive.  Your lack of motivation.  Your lack of passion.  It all comes back to you and how hard you are willing to work for your dreams.  Can life suck, yes of course.  Will it be full of trials, heartache, nights of crying yourself to sleep, absolutely.  But that has nothing to do with growing up and everything to do with life.   But you know what?  You can change the life you have right now.  You hold the power to change the course you're taking right now, you hold the power over your own life.

People live in a mindset of powerlessness over their own life. Whether it be because of school, work, family, or whatever, they don't feel like they have the power to control their own life, their own destiny.  Drop out of school if its not helping you reach your goals or switch majors.  Find a new job that fulfills your dreams.  Don't let your parents opinions or beliefs hold yours back.  Know when to speak up but also know when words are better left unsaid.  Don't be afraid to stand up and go against everything everyone is saying because it goes against what they think you are.  What does it matter what they think you are, they aren't you.  They hold no power over your life. They don't know what battles you fight or what you have already been through.  How can they possible know what your heart longs to do when they haven't felt the things you have.  People are quick to judge with the small amount of information they have about you.  They think they know you by the chapter they have walked into but in fact you are a whole novel.

Be bold in who you are as a person.  I've talked before about being 100% you and age will help with that.  As we grow up we find ourselves, we become truer to ourselves.  Or maybe just more confident in being ourselves.  Regardless of the reasoning behind it age does change us.  I believe it has less to do with age and more to do with experiences.  Because what is age anyways but a numerical representation of the amount of time we have been here.  And only humans worry about time.  Naturally time doesn't exist it's only a figure of our imagination.

Shouldn't we be more focused on the quality of the "time" we spend together than the amount?  Age, time, deadlines, going through the motions of a modern life all of this is new.  We made our lives miserable in the pursuit of happiness. We forget what we are truly after and trie to please those around us.  What's that saying "Never get so busying making a living that you forget to make a life." Or something like that.  Reminder that, the things on this world are only temporary so focus on your life not your living.  Is money nice? What about a big house?  Lots a fancy things?  Yes all of those are good, but what about your dreams or ambition?

Would your five year old self be proud of who you are?  Would they be happy with your choices?  Did you follow your dreams in becoming the person you longed to be?  Or did you let the adult "grown up" world crush you? I surly hope not.  I hope you haven't lost your sense of adventure and imagination.

Take a step back and just breath today.  Relax a little and look at where you are.  Are you truly happy with the track you are on.  Or are you miserable in your pursuit of happiness?  That's a funny thing to think about, isn't it?

Keep pushing, you'll find what you're looking for in your pursuit of a life worth living.

Annaliese~

Can I tell you something?

The title may sound shocking but fear not!  I'm only here to inform you that I cannot eat pineapple......Yep that's right ye old friend here who named the blog can't even eat the tropical fruit its name comes from.

Now you might be thinking

"Annaliese why would you name it after something you can't eat?"

 Well I have no idea.  But I mean pineapples are cool and so are Devin and I so why not?  I happen to love pineapple which makes it hard not to eat.  I'm not allergic I don't think...*sweats nervously*... just very sensitive to the flesh eating enzymes in it.  So whenever I eat it my mouth gets raw and my throat hurts.  Every once in awhile I'll eat it because I mean a life without pineapple isn't a life. Am I right? Or am I right?  Pineapple is a wonderful fruit if only it was nicer to me.  Seems like the worlds against me sometimes, but oh well looks like I'll have to be my own hero after all and save myself from a sore throat and a raw mouth.

I hope this more light hearted post brightened your day.  I love you to the moon and back.

OXOX
Annaliese~

Tulips

I talk a good bit about loving without strings and you might be thinking what in the world does loving without strings mean!  Well its actually pretty simple to explain, but one of the hardest things to do.  Loving without strings to me mean an unconditional love but so much more.  If you could some up love into one sentence what would it be?  Would it be a passionate, lustful, action of a feeling that takes your breath away.  Or would it be acting silly, cuddling, late nights looking at the stars and falling just a little harder?   Maybe it's nether of those.  Love is different for each person, everyone loves differently at different levels.  Some people can't handle the love some give, others crave a deeper love.  Ones not more right or wrong its just who you are and what you want.  All that matters is that the love that is given is given out of love.  Not for something, its given without strings attached.  Once you start expecting something in return is the moment you should realize you don't truly love them.

A pure love doesn't need anything in return because loving them and seeing them happy is all that you need. You might be thinking why in the world is there a picture of red tulips on a page about loving without stings. Let my explain my madness to you.  My favorite flower is a red tulip they are so elegant and simple, yet full of beauty.  I could go on and on about them but for your sack I'll stop pouring out my love for tulips. 

Back to why there's a picture here.  A red tulip, according to google, means pure love, or perfect love.  I don't think humans are capable of a perfect love though so I'm going with pure.  A pure love of no strings attached.  I think we all long for that, a love so simple it feels natural, effortless.  

Are we capable of a pure love, a love that knows no limits?  I honestly don't know, I've never felt a love I would say was pure in intentions. Yes, I know the love of my family members but that's it for yours truly.  Am I missing out on life not knowing something I fantasies over?  That's for the ones that know a pure love to decide and tell me.  But how do you know you have a pure love? What's the deciding factor defining a "love" and a "pure love"? Are some people easier to love? Are there things such as a fall hard girl or boys you can't live without?  What are people who are considered "fall hard".  For that matter what does it even mean?  I was called that once and never fully understood it.  Basically it means someone you can't live without.  Someone who can live without you but you can't live without them. But shouldn't everyone find that kind of love?  A love so pure and simple you couldn't imagine your life without it.  Have you found that kind of love?  Could you keep it or did you lose it?  Has your heart been broken by a love that made you feel like nothing else could or anything else will?  Do you feel like you lost your only chance for true love? I truly hope not, no one ever deserves to know that kind of pain. 

A broken heart might be the hardest, most painful thing we ever face.  It's crazy how in life most things that bring us the greatest joys also hold the power over us to crush us.  But isn't that what life is full of, a leap of faith.  Jumping head first into learning how to swim or dying in the process.  You know the saying "sink or swim"?  Well I always mess it up and say "sink or downed".  Not a very encouraging thing to say to people. But about a month ago while I was in a very dark place I wrote that down and had a epiphany "Oh wait! sink or drowned, no drowned or learn out to breath under water." We have control over our lives and the ability to love freely without strings.  We have the ability to change how we see things and not succumb to our surroundings.  It's not about your surroundings its about what you are made of.  

Love is a hard thing to understand and even harder to write about. Did I explain to you what loving without strings is? I truly hope so.  Do you think you love without strings.  Like I side at the beginning it's one of the hardest things to do. But one of the most rewording if you can figure out how to.  

Annaliese~

Thank You

When I think back through some of my darkest moments, the one thing holding me up has always been my friends. The way my psyche works, people mean a lot and add an enormous amount of significance to my life. Their opinions, their values, their advice, their words: I take it all to heart. When they hurt, I hurt. When they laugh, I laugh. You could say I "sync" up with people easily. I connect with people on a level I never knew existed and to be honest, would have never chosen to do if I had a choice in the matter.

I have been gifted with some amazing friends. When I sit back and think about each individual I have in my life, it blows my freaking mind. I never went out and looked for them. I never sat down and prayed for them to enter into my life. They just subtly entered. And I love them for that reason.

When I've hated myself, they've showed me I was worth loving. When I've been sick, they've offered to drop everything. When I'm drowning in depression, they show me where the light is. When I can't see Jesus, they show me how to find him. I have grown beyond belief because of the people in my "inner circle."

They have stuck with me through the thick of it all.

Through the pain.

Through the tears.

Through the heartache.

Through the suffering.

Why? What have I possibly done to deserve this kind of love? How have I gotten to this point where people are willing to drop everything for me?

I have done absolutely nothing. I can never do anything to deserve this. 

And I never will.

Thank you to all the people in my life. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the long walks on the pier. Thank you for picking me up when I have an anxiety attack. Thank you for answering my phone calls. Thank you for understanding me through the tears and convulsions. Thank you for wasting your gas to come see me.Thank you for the sacrifices of time and energy.

Thank you.

Blinded

What is religion?  Is it really that important, do we humans have to have it?  Well, I think religion is useless.  You might be thinking, "What are you talking about, you heathen?!"  I'm anything but a heathen and I do believe in a God. But I think we get so caught up in the "religious" part of faith we lose sight of what it's really about.  When was the last time you prayed, went to church?  Okay, now when was the last time you prayed to God as a friend or actually got something out of going to church.  Most likely it's been awhile and thats perfectly ok.  Forget religion and focus on growing closer to God. If you aren't getting anything from church stop going and study your Bible at home.  Don't focus on the vanity of religion, focus on your relationship with God because in the end that's all that matters. No one will care ten years from now if you went to church every Sunday.  All they will care about is who you are as a person.  Religion should have less to do with the church face you put on and more to do with the things you do in the shadows.  If no one was watching would you be the same person?  Would you help someone if you weren't a christian? Or does Christianity make you the person you are?  It shouldn't, you should be a good person whether or not the Bible says so.   I can't tell you how many people I have met that were so much better than "church goers". Because church means nothing its simply a place you can go to meet fellow believers.  Or is it?

Lets shift gears for a moment.  What if one of your best friends told you they cut, or that they are gay, or they have suicidal thoughts? Would you freak out, disown them, or try and help?  Would it depend on which one it was?  What if they used to cut? Or they attempted suicide and all thats left is scars?  You might think there is just to much darkness inside them that you can't handle it, what if they start back? What would you do! Or would you say its ok to be different but you need to stop hurting yourself.  It's ok you are gay, love is love.  Would your beliefs get in the way of someone trusting you with somethings so big?  I mean telling someone any of those things is a big thing, the bravery it takes is unbelievable.  The trust they have in you to share with you the hurt they face everyday.  Would you be the one to let religion get in the way. A religion that tells you to love everyone, get in the way of helping someone who is alone?  Alone in this dark world full of people who would leave.  Just up and leave say you couldn't handle it, say how could you hurt yourself, you know how much that hurts me.  Would you make it a selfish thing, where you only care about your beliefs and not the pain they feel.  But you know what, the people that hurt the most are usually the ones that love the deepest, care the most, and want to help in any way.  Because they know the darkness and how much it takes out of you to carry that kind of a burden around.  It's no easy task to bear the world on your shoulders especially by yourself.   So all this being said of course you wouldn't leave your friend if your hearts in the right place.  If you're focused on God and not just religion.  Because religion is ever changing, but God is the only constant.  Love above everything, forgive everyone, and know being a Christian has nothing to do with the fact you go to church and everything to do with how you treat people.  God came to earth to save us, to show us love.  Yet we tare each other apart in the name of faith, in the name of a God who only wants us to love each other, to love him the creator of the world.

Alrighty back to what I was talking about before.  Fake Christianity is a thing and it's mostly made up of people who believe themselves to be real Christians.  I run into this a lot, people saying one thing but their actions show other wise.   Actions do speaker louder than words they always will because what you do in the shadows, when no one is watching,  that's the person you truly are.  Would you call yourself a real or a fake Christian?  Would you leave a hurting person simply because it went against what people told you, you believed?  I truly hope not because those that hurt can bring so much light into your life.  Never leave someone simply because they are hard to love, the good ones will never come easily. Everyone has broken edges don't ever let that get in the way of showing them the love they have gone without.  People hurt, we all hurt so don't leave someone simply because they hurt themselves or love someone their same gander.  That's no reason to leave in fact it's every reason to stay not to change them, but to show them that it's ok and no matter what they are worthy of the love the receive and deserve so much more.  Be the friend you wish you had, that's my goal in life.  To be the person I always wanted to have.  To be a light in the darkness, showing everyone that comes into my life that they mean the world to me and I'll go the extra mile just for them.  Because in the need all that matters is you loved freely without strings.  That's all that ever matters.

I love you so much, keep being wonderful and never give up on life because it will get better.
Annaliese~

Where's Your Motivation?

We live in a world of going through the motions.  That's it, get up go to work, come home, get ready for tomorrow, repeat...repeat..repeat... Hey a vacation!...back to work..repeat...  So where did your drive go, your goals, your sense of adventure, your passions? What did one day all of a sudden you just had no desire to set goals for yourself, to push yourself to become the best you could be?   We lack motivation to stand out and be different, we are afraid of a fall, of the failure that might come with setting ourselves goals.  But without goals how do we expect to grow, to change, to learn? We simply can't.  "I can't" is stupid, I was talking to a friend the other day and said "I can't do it" over and over again, but you know what I can do it.  It will take time and hard work but I CAN DO IT.  Everyone has days where they have no motivation or drive to do anything and believe me when I say I have those a lot.  Nothing seems to be going right, I just want to give up, but then I remember that I have set myself goals I have things I want to do with my life.  And I know that in ten years I would regret giving up.  So why is it so hard to set goals and achieve them? In all honesty I don't have an answer.  You might be thinking why are some goals easy and others are hard, even if the difficulty levels of reaching them are the same? I don't have an answer to that either.  I'm not being very helpful today am I....Oh well its been a long week.

Let's talk goals.  Do you have any set? Are you striving for something? Maybe it's to run a faster mile, learn how to cook, make new friends, or as simply as learn to love yourself.  Now that last one isn't that simply at all.  It might in fact be the hardest to do but when said everyone thinks it's simply. I mean how hard is it really to love yourself? But you know what, if you don't love yourself you won't set goals, you won't strive to become better.  Because without enough self-love there's no reason to have motivation to do anything. Self-love is hard, it takes patience, forgiveness, a lot of forgiveness, understanding, and hard work.  You don't just wake up one day and decide that everything that you hate about yourself, all the lies you're feeding yourself aren't true.  There's no quick fix to a hate within ourselves. One that is embedded so deeply within it seems like a part of who we are.  Well there was a time when you didn't have that deep hate and you were full of motivation. Everything in life goes back to love, it's what makes us tick. Without self-love we have no motivation, no forgiveness, we have nothing.  Once you can love yourself you can truly grow.  You have to love yourself to give yourself forgiveness.  To give anyone forgiveness for that matter.  Motivation means so much more than just going to the gym or finishing that paper.  It's setting goals, trying new things, going on adventures, it's everything in life worth living.

Let's go back to self-love for a moment. Do you love yourself? Answer honesty.  If I asked you to give me a list of things you loved how long would it take you to say "I love myself"?  Why has someone loving themselves become a bad thing, but we tell each other to love ourselves.  It's the biggest double standard we have.  You hear everywhere that you need to love yourself, but as soon as you do people judge you, call you selfish, ask what's wrong.  Umm excuse me but you told me I needed to love myself, now that I have worked so hard to get here you give me funny looks. Does it scare the people who are insecure? Have you ever seen someone who walks with such confidence and you're over here like man I wish I had that much confidence in myself.  Well honey bun you can.  All you have to do is except yourself in this moment, realize you are already perfect in all of your imperfection.  Self-love is hard but once you can forgive yourself for past mistakes, letting of whatever is weighing you down you can get a foot in the door.  You can start to love yourself without strings.  Should you still strive to grow and become better, absolutely!  But in this moment you need to love yourself so you can grow and change. Change into the person you have always wanted to be. Don't get stuck in what other people think you are. If you suddenly decide to change your style go for it or you want to die your hair a color you never would, do it.  Do what makes you happy.  Be the person you want to be, not the person everyone thinks you are.  Because you might be the sky girl that never does anything wild, but turns out to be an out going, quirky girl full of love. Simply because your friends thought you were someone else, don't fall to peer pressure and never change.   Be driven to be the happiest you can be in this moment.  Stop waiting for the right moment to be happy.  Because there will never be the night moment, it will never come.  That's a fact.  You have today to live, so live it to the fullest.  Have the motivation to reach for your goals, to not only reach them but set harder ones.

Life is short do you really want to spend it simply going through the motions? I know I don't, and I don't think you do either.  Life has so much more to hold then that, so where is your motivation?  Lost somewhere in the past.  Forgotten while trying to make a living?  What happened to making a life while making a living?  I hope you can find your motivation again.

Annaliese~